


Let Our Love Blind Us

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M, bottom!Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:29:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> No spoilers, and nothing you haven't read before in NC-17 fic.<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I still have no ownership rights, and if I was making money it wouldn't be posted here for free!<br/><b>Beta:</b> My good friend <span class="ljuser ljuser-name_siluria"></span><a href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://siluria.livejournal.com/"><b>siluria</b></a>; my thanks, as always, love!<br/><b>Summary:</b> Steve won't top for Danny, and Danny can't help but push to find out why.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Our Love Blind Us

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Bruce Springsteen song 'Cover Me'.

"No, Danny; just... no, I'm not interested."

Danny creased his brow in confusion, looking at Steve's back beside him on the bed. "But why? I thought... well, you know; you do it for me, so why wouldn't you want it the other way occasionally?"

"It isn't necessary," Steve said over his shoulder without looking at Danny directly. He scrunched the pillow tighter under his head and pulled the bedding closer. "I'm happy with the way things are."

"Really?" Danny rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling and thinking. "You won't hurt me, you know, if that's what you're worried about." He turned just his head and stared at the back of Steve's head.

"That's not it. Can we just drop it; I need to sleep."

"Okay, but maybe you could sleep on it?"

"Whatever."

And that was the last Danny got out of Steve that night.

Danny, on the other hand, lay awake thinking about it for quite some time. They'd been sleeping together for a few months now – since a few nights after he'd taken up residence on Steve's couch and they'd finally given in to the underlying sexual tension both had been fighting before that – and although it hadn't taken long for Steve to offer himself to be fucked, they'd never done it the other way. Danny had thought it was probably because Steve was more experienced with men – had bottomed before – and Danny's inexperience had caused his selflessness where he probably assumed Danny would be reluctant.

But Danny wasn't reluctant; far from it. He wanted to see what it was like to have those powerful muscles wrapped around him and all that intensity focused on giving him the sort of pleasure he knew Steve took from what Danny did to him in reverse. But Steve had flatly refused.

Confusion wasn't in it; Danny couldn't understand it at all, and now Steve had turned his back and gone to sleep like that was the end of the discussion. Danny sighed and flipped over, facing away from Steve. "No way that's the end of it, babe," he muttered, though he knew Steve couldn't hear him.

~//~

The next night, Danny figured he'd bring it up when Steve was too far out of his mind from pleasure to run away. After dinner, he cocked a suggestive smile, waggling his eyebrows. Steve frowned, picking up the plates from the table and heading towards the sink.

"Bit early, isn't it, Danny? The dishes aren't even clean." He kept his back to Danny and started running water.

"Oh, come on, Mr. Super-Efficient Cleanliness Man. For once, can't we leave those until later?" He moved up behind Steve, sliding his hands around Steve's waist and digging under his shirt to find skin.

Steve stopped moving for a second, and tried to look back over his shoulder at Danny. "You know what they say, Danny. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Plus I hate having to come back down to them later. There's still time for that afterwards."

Danny could see the grin at the corner of his mouth though, and he swallowed hard as Steve did a little wiggle back against him that only encouraged his hard-on. Danny groaned and slid his fingers inside the waistband of Steve's cargoes. "Come on," he whined.

Steve slapped one of Danny's hands with a hot soapy one of his own. "Patience is a virtue, Danny. I've started now and this won't take a minute."

"Ow." Danny scowled and let go, backing away to find a towel to dry the dishes Steve was now stacking as efficiently as he did everything. So much for broaching this when Steve was already in the mood. "So if you're going to make me _work_ for it, why don't you use the time to explain why you won't... you know..." Danny still found putting some of this stuff into words away from the bedroom difficult, "Switch places?"

Steve frowned over his shoulder for a moment, and then went back to the dishes. Danny didn't think Steve was embarrassed, but he certainly didn't sound pleased. "I thought you liked it with me on the bottom? Why do you want to change things?"

"What, you don't like a bit of variety? You don't want to see how it would be from another angle?" Danny swiped suds off the plate he held and put it in the cupboard. How could he do something so domesticated while they discussed sexual positions?

"Sometimes we go with just hands or blowjobs; we don't even fuck. Isn't that variety? What about the different places you keep getting me naked in?"

Danny laughed. "You look so good naked, babe. But this would just be extending that; trying a little something new..."

Steve drained the sink and wiped his hands before turning to look at Danny curiously. "Are you that bored with me already? Or is it that you think I _should_ want you bent over like that?" He leaned back on the counter and folded his arms across his chest, raising his chin defensively. "Danny, I'm sorry, but I don't see the need."

Danny held his hands out in question. "Babe... it's not about what I think you should want. I just... I thought it would be good to try it."

"You don't have to. I'm not so insecure in my masculinity that being under you at night makes me feel any less of a man." Steve shook his head and moved away from the sink. "I know you probably worry that I'm in danger of turning into a woman, considering how much I like things in their place, but I'm good, honestly."

Danny shook his head, trying to think of his next words as Steve moved past him into the living area and headed upstairs. "I don't think that. When have I ever accused you of turning into a woman?"

Steve stopped and snorted as he smiled back down at Danny. "Oh, not too often; just every time you mention my need to get the house in order before I go anywhere or do anything; my taste in music; my need to go to bed early and get up before the sun wakes _you_. Shall I go on?" He shook his head and carried on up the stairs, Danny three steps below him.

"That is not about how ‘female’ you are; that's about how anal you are. You can't relax for one second, you know. You always have to be in charge... except in the bedroom." Danny stopped, scowling as he considered what he'd just said, following Steve into the bedroom.

"How does my taste in music come into that?" Steve was asking, shucking off his shirt and unbuttoning his cargoes as he went into the bathroom.

"Because we always end up listening to whatever _you_ like.

"Is it because it's the one place you can give up control and no one has to know?" Danny slipped off his shoes, biting at his lip. _Was_ that it?

Steve stuck his head back out of the bathroom, frowning. "No; I tell you how we're going to do it sometimes. And I don't _always_ make you listen to my choice of music. What about that Springsteen special the other week? I didn't complain once the whole show."

"You like Springsteen. It's the only redeeming quality of your musical tastes." But Steve did have a point; sometimes he told Danny exactly where to put it and how fast to move. And he didn’t always bend over; sometimes he was quite clearly in control on top… even if he was the one with a cock up his ass.

Steve rolled his eyes and disappeared again. As Danny took off his clothing he heard the shower start up. He carefully picked up everything he'd removed and put things in the laundry basket in the bathroom as he entered. There'd be hell to pay if he left anything lying around; it just wasn't worth it. Steve was a master at withholding sex; Danny had already found that out the hard way.

Opening the shower door, he slipped in behind Steve, stealing the soap from his slippery hand and encouraging Steve to lean against the cubicle wall as he lathered up the man's back.

"So if it's not about control, and it's not worry over hurting me, why won't you fuck me?"

Steve tensed under his hands, and Danny let go for a moment as Steve turned to frown down at him. "Can't you just let it go? I don't want to, all right?"

"But why?"

Steve shook his head, rolling his shoulders under the water, and abruptly exited the shower without speaking. Danny made a hopeless gesture at no-one and quickly soaped himself, then rinsed and got out too. Steve had already disappeared back into the bedroom, and Danny grabbed a towel to rub at his damp skin as he followed, brows creased in bewilderment.

Steve had his back to Danny at the far side of the bed, and Danny could already tell by the set of his broad shoulders that he'd pushed the man too far; sex was off the agenda for tonight - again.

"Babe?" He questioned softly, coming to his own side of the bed as he dried off. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Forget it," Steve tossed over his shoulder, the words like ice. "I need an early night anyway."

Danny raised his eyebrows, watching in uneasy silence as Steve folded his towel and placed it on the chair next to him, then climbed into bed and settled on his side – facing away from Danny – and reached to turn off the lamp before curling his arm under his pillow and closing his eyes.

"Steve..." Danny heard the whine in his own voice and stopped it before he made an idiot of himself. "Fine, I'll be downstairs on the couch." He grabbed a blanket and his pillow, dumping the towel where he stood and escaping from the room. "You are such a baby, McGarrett."

Danny could hear Steve's annoyed sigh and for a moment he thought the man was going to follow him, but when he stopped to watch through the half-open door, Steve was picking up Danny’s dropped towel – he already had the one he’d folded onto his chair in his hand – and padding to the bathroom. Anal bastard; hanging up towels was more important than his lover's need to know why topping wasn't his thing.

Danny humphed and descended the stairs, gripping his bedding tightly.

~//~

"You alright, Danny?" Kono looked him over curiously as she poured coffee in the break room at Five-0 HQ.

Danny hid a yawn and blinked at her sleepily. He never slept as well on the couch; the damned sound of the ocean was only muffled when he could hear Steve's even breathing beside him in bed. "Not much sleep."

Kono cracked a grin and waggled her eyebrows. "Steve keep you up? He's not looking much better."

Danny frowned and sipped from his own coffee. "I wish. Slept on the couch."

Kono raised an eyebrow, coming to sit opposite him, and cupped her coffee like her hands were cold. It might be November, but it was never cold on this freaking island; what was her problem?

"You two having issues already? You forget to load the dryer?"

"Ha-freaking-ha." Danny rolled his eyes. "If only it was that simple."

"Oh, come on, Danny! He's not that bad. You'd be the same if you spent as long in the armed forces. It's only a step up from the police."

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, it's not that... He... there's something he won't do." Danny knew he probably shouldn't be discussing it with her, but he needed to talk to _someone_. Steve could hold out way longer than he could, and he really only wanted to understand, which wasn't happening if Steve wasn't prepared to discuss it. "How can I get him to talk about it?"

Chin chose that moment to wander into the room. "Talk about what?"

"Danny's having trouble getting Steve to _do something_ ," Kono informed Chin, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh, Jesus... is my love life going to be the topic of the day now?" Danny asked, looking suspiciously at Kono's half-hidden grin and then transferring his gaze to Chin's smiling eyes.

"Look," Kono said, her smile only lessening fractionally, "Not everyone likes the taste, Danny. Maybe you could use chocolate sauce or something?"

Danny froze for a second as Chin barked a laugh, almost spilling the coffee he'd started to pour behind them.

"Not that!" Danny bit out. "But _something_. I... oh Christ, I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

He pushed his chair back and stood up, abandoning his half-drunk coffee on the table and leaving the room, sure his face was redder than a Santa suit. The last thing he heard was the cousins’ muffled laughter as he slammed the door. He was going to kill McGarrett, and soon if they couldn't get this worked out.

~//~

Work was work in the end, though Danny and Steve didn't say much to each other than what was necessary. Both were professional enough not to let their problems interfere with the job anyway, although Kono's amused smile every now and then certainly wasn't helping the state of Danny's mind. God knows what Steve thought, but he frowned at her a few times and then shot Danny a look that probably suggested hand-grenades and rocket launchers if Danny had said anything to her that Steve thought he shouldn't have.

Driving home was tense, but it was even worse once they got home. Steve was sulking, and Danny wasn't about to get in an argument. He'd kept his mouth shut so far since his head was pounding by the time their work day was finished; lack of sleep was a bitch and Danny didn't cope well with it. He made for the bathroom as soon as they were inside and reached for the Advil.

"You didn't have to sleep on the couch."

Steve's voice almost made him choke on the pills, and Danny had to gulp hard to get them down the right passage. The bastard didn't have to hone his ninja skills right now, did he?

By the time Danny recovered and swallowed the rest of the water in his cup, Steve had backed away from the bathroom door and disappeared. Danny threw his hands up in the air, rolling his eyes and stepped back through into the bedroom to look for him. Steve was on the other side of the bed, folding something and eyeing him carefully.

"You okay?"

"No thanks to you," Danny grumped and folded his arms across his chest as he stood there, studying Steve's far-too-innocent expression. "Are you ever going to help me understand this?"

"Understand?" Steve looked genuinely perplexed. "I'm sorry I surprised you. I didn't mean for you to choke."

"Not that. The other."

"Oh." Steve's brows creased and he dropped his eyes, massaging his temples with one large hand. God, Danny loved those big hands.

"Look, Steve, I don't want this to come between us; I just want to _understand_ , okay? Why is it such a big deal?"

Steve sighed and sat down on the end of the bed, only half-facing Danny. There was a flush to his cheeks that suggested embarrassment and Danny frowned at it. Steve was never embarrassed. He wouldn't meet Danny's eyes either, which wasn't quite so odd, but still…

"I don't like it."

"Come again?" Danny wasn't sure he'd heard right.

Steve rolled his eyes, finally looking in Danny's direction – vaguely. "You're going to make me repeat it?"

"Okay… okay, fine, I won't make you repeat it, but seriously? That's it?" Danny spread his hands, quirking an eyebrow in disbelief. "And you couldn't just say that?"

Steve finally met his eyes, his scowl deepening. "No one expects me to just lie back and take it and not want the other. Look, just because I have a cock doesn't automatically mean I want to shove it somewhere, okay?"

"No one ever said it did. But…" Danny let out an exasperated sigh and came to sit next to him so he could meet his eyes properly. "You have tried it, I assume? To know that, I mean?"

"Yes, I've tried it. I didn't like it, so I don't do it." Steve hadn't stopped frowning yet, and looked like he thought Danny was going to push it further. "What did you tell Kono?"

Danny hadn't expected that, though he supposed he should have, considering the thunderous looks earlier. "Nothing… well, almost nothing."

" _Almost_ nothing?" Steve's eyebrows shot up. "It's bad enough she and Chin think we’re the cutest couple since Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham from 'Happy Days'. I don’t want them knowing details of our sex life…"

Danny held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, okay? But you kept shutting me out; all I wanted from her was a little advice on how to get you to talk. How was I to know you'd finally give in and tell me the real reason why you didn't want to do it as soon as you nearly caused me to swallow my own tongue?"

"You didn't nearly swallow your own tongue; don't exaggerate. Besides, I know a technique to stop that from happening."

"You do not! You might have the Heimlich manoeuvre down… but… stop distracting me! Look, babe, I just want us to be able to _talk_ about this stuff, you know? If something's not easy or comfortable for either of us, the other should be able to understand why that is. It's not that I want to get all deep and emotional on you if that's not in your comfort zone either, but I respect you and the things you want. I'm not going to tread all over your feelings if there's a _reason_ for them."

Steve huffed and turned his head away, scrubbing a hand across his hair. "And you pushing to know _why_ I don't particularly want to do something isn't treading on my feelings? Isn't knowing I don't want it enough?"

Danny raised his hands, waving them about in thought. "I don't know, babe… I just… I thought maybe we could come to a compromise or something."

Steve looked at him incredulously.

"What?"

"You still don't get it, do you? I don't _like_ it, Danny. I'm not going to just… suddenly decide that yeah, okay, I'll give it another shot because Danno wants it." He stood up, huffed down at Danny and stomped out of the room.

Danny rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. As usual, Steve was still in charge, whether he fucked Danny or not, although that hadn't been _exactly_ what Danny meant. Head still hurting, Danny flopped back on the bed, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples.

How on earth did a guy like Steve end up ‘not liking it’? Most guys Danny knew were straight, and the only thing they wanted was to shove it somewhere. Maybe he just didn’t know enough about guys who went with guys to understand that one.

~//~

Danny woke up in the dark. He’d dozed off where he lay, obviously enough, and a glance at the clock showed it to be well after midnight. Danny was still in the same place; still dressed, and Steve was nowhere to be seen. Danny rolled to sitting, yawning widely. The stubborn bastard; did he really think Danny was going to push things further?

Scratching at his skull, Danny was pleasantly surprised that the Advil had done its job and he no longer had the headache he’d brought home with him. Or maybe it was just that he’d slept for five hours? The trouble was that he was hungry now. And where the hell was Steve? He must have seen Danny out cold here and either be sleeping on the couch, or else he was downstairs doing God knows what to fill in time until Danny woke up and could resume the argument.

Taking the steps quietly in case Steve was sleeping on the couch, Danny peered into the darkness downstairs. Not on the couch. He flipped on the kitchen light and opened the fridge, frowning at the healthy-looking food inside.

“Dinner’s in the microwave.”

Danny jumped in the air – probably about five feet, going by his pounding heart – and slammed the fridge, turning to face Steve’s serious expression as he stood in the doorway to the lanai.

“What the fuck? Do you have to do that? There is a time and a place for secret ninja skills, Steven, and your partner coming down in the middle of the night for food because he missed dinner is not it! I almost had a heart attack, you ape!”

Steve’s lip pulled up at one side in an unamused smile. “Sorry.”

“Sorry? That’s all you got, babe? Because, seriously…” Danny paused as he opened the microwave and took a look at the plate of food inside, “Seriously, my heart _and_ my tongue – due to the earlier incident – are now both lodged somewhere together down my throat thanks to you. However…” He lifted the plate out and sniffed deeply, “this will go some way towards the apology, if it tastes as good as it smells, so perhaps you’ll be forgiven eventually.” Offering Steve a tight smile of his own, he replaced the food in the microwave and set it on reheat.

“That’s very generous of you, Danny.” Steve nodded, his eyes still dark, and disappeared out the door.

“Babe?” Danny wrinkled his brow and followed Steve outside. “You okay? Look, about before… I didn’t understand – I still don’t, in all honesty – but hey, if you don’t want to, you don’t want to. Who am I to make you?” He gestured unevenly at Steve’s back and frowned when Steve didn’t move or answer.

The silence was too much for Danny. “You going to say anything now, or am I just going to have to live with the silent treatment for the rest of my life?”

Steve sighed audibly and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He didn't turn around, but at least he was talking. "Look, babe, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. It's… there are some things that just don't appeal, okay?"

"Okay." Danny nodded, though Steve couldn't see. "I won't push it any more. Now stop sulking and come inside, please?"

Steve turned at that, his brow wrinkling. "I'm not sulking."

"Yeah? You gonna explain to me why you've withheld sex for the last three days if you're _not_ sulking?"

Rolling his eyes, Steve sighed loudly again and gestured for Danny to precede him indoors. "Okay, I get it; you're not going to be happy until I can give you a satisfactory reason. So here goes..."

He frowned at Danny for a moment, and then, when Danny made no move, opened the microwave and retrieved Danny's dinner, placing it on the table and gesturing for Danny to be seated. He grabbed cutlery as Danny sat, and handed it to him, then turned his back, busying himself with the coffee maker. Danny looked at his back for a moment, then turned to the food and began eating. Clearly Steve wasn't about to say anything until he was ready; if that meant both of them had to be occupied with something, Danny could deal.

"When I was seventeen," Steve finally started, still not looking in Danny's direction, "and I was just figuring out all this stuff that was going around inside my head that seemed so different from all my friends…" He paused, glancing carefully at Danny, then went back to fiddling with cups and sugar bowls and teaspoons. "Anyway, I met this guy. He was a couple of years older and… knew stuff. I had only been with girls before that and much as that seemed like… well, it was okay, you know?" He didn't wait for Danny to reply before going on, "He wanted to… same as we do. And that was… mind-blowing. Way better than with any girl for me. I got off, no problem, every single time. He never wanted it the other way and I never thought to ask."

"Okay," Danny interjected at this point, in between mouthfuls. He figured he should at least acknowledge he was listening. Although the food was good and he didn't want to waste it, he was really only continuing to eat through this because it seemed like Steve needed to be less than his full focus right now. Danny figured he might stop talking if he stopped eating, so he went on, not even prompting him verbally, though Steve had stopped speaking for an inordinately long time.

The coffee-maker did its thing and Danny was almost finished the meal before Steve seemed ready to talk again. He deposited a full cup of black coffee in front of Danny and stirred in his own cream and sugar, leaning back against the counter with it wrapped in both hands as he blew on it and then sipped. Danny snuck a look at the serious frown still on Steve's face and put his cutlery together neatly on the plate.

"Thanks, babe; that was great. Coffee smells good too."

"Welcome," Steve managed with some difficulty. His knuckles looked white and Danny couldn't help himself.

"I think your coffee cup might appreciate it if you relaxed your hold a little there, Steven. You might not want hot coffee all over you either and that's looking likely if you crack it. Maybe you could sit down and put it on the table?" He kept his voice soft and non-confrontational; not easy for him, but Steve's nervousness seemed to warrant a little care. More than Danny had shown so far, anyway. Who knew he'd be so sensitive about something like this?

Steve smiled at him but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, maybe you're right." He pulled out the chair opposite Danny and planted himself, although not nearly as easily as he usually did.

"It's not going to change anything, babe. You have to know that, right?"

"Don't be too sure."

Danny raised his eyebrows, but once again, Steve wasn't looking at him. This didn't make any sense so far and he wasn't getting anywhere with talking, so he shut up again, sipping carefully from his own coffee while he waited for Steve to find the right words.

"I thought I'd never go with women again after that," Steve started carefully, "but things changed… I was careful because I was scared to tell my dad, didn't know how to say it to Mary and… my grandparents are old-fashioned enough to think homosexuals belong in hell. Anyway, I kinda… after he and I split, ended up gravitating back to women. I mean… I never disliked it; it just wasn't as good. But women themselves… I always liked women; got on well with them and enjoyed their company, so it was just… easier I guess."

Danny watched Steve as he talked, though Steve studiously kept his eyes on his coffee cup or his own hands, still wrapped around it. He really was beautiful, Danny thought, and although he couldn't be oblivious of his appeal, he could seem very unaware sometimes, especially with women.

"Anyway, it wasn't until I joined the Navy that I…" Steve licked his lips, eyes darting back up briefly before he focused back on his coffee like the words were written on its surface. "I was careful there, I can tell you that. I hardly ever did anything. But when you meet someone who really turns you on, it's hard not to want it." Steve met Danny's eyes at last, his chin tilted up in determination. "So I finally did something and went with this guy. Turned out we both wanted the same thing. So I… I figured why not? I mean, I'd done it with women and it couldn't be that different as long as there was lube involved, right?"

Danny shrugged noncommittally. He didn't think this was the moment for him to enthuse on why anal sex did it for him over the vaginal kind.

Steve smiled tightly and ducked his head again, a blush just beginning to show. Danny frowned curiously. What could the big secret be?

"No one ever had any problem doing it to me, and you'd think I'd find that just as awkward, but I never did. So this is going to sound… really weird. I just… I don't like… I couldn't stop thinking about what… what comes out of there. I couldn't stay… hard."

Danny tried processing that, his eyebrows dancing as he tried not to snort laughter. Steve was up and moving before Danny could compose his face, disappearing out of the room faster than he ever chased a suspect.

"Steve, c'mon…" Danny stood up and followed, but Steve was already at the top of the stairs. "Jesus, fuck…" Danny took them two at a time and just managed to stop the bedroom door from slamming in his face.

Steve's face was red, and anger seemed to be winning over embarrassment. "I know, I know, it's the funniest fucking thing you've ever heard. Why don't you just… share _that_ with Kono for Christ's sake?"

"No, Steve, no…" Danny tried, coming into the room properly as Steve paced to the other end of it and turned to face him, expression of doom well in place. "It's not funny; honestly, it's not." Steve's insecurity over it wasn't, anyway.

Steve didn't say anything, still pacing a little. He scrubbed a hand over his face and then glared harder. "You wanted to know, okay? I don't make a habit of telling people; it just doesn't… fuck, Danny."

Danny held up his hands in surrender. "It's okay, Steve; it really is. I get it. I mean, let's face it, some thing just aren't a turn-on, no matter what you do or say. I'm really okay about keeping things the other way if that's what you want. _I_ don't have a problem with it, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in." Steve's anger had at least dissipated, but his embarrassment was taking over. He shoved past Danny and moved into the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Steve. It's just…" Danny followed him and tried putting a hand on his shoulder. Steve was tense as fuck, and Danny was pretty sure he was about to shake the hand off. "Babe, seriously, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just not used to seeing you show any kind of doubt about something. You're Mr. Confidence personified, you know? I admire that about you, but sometimes it's like… like if you were any more perfect, I'd scream."

Steve did shrug the hand off now, but only so he could turn and look at Danny in amazement. "What?"

"Come on, you can do anything most of the time. You don't stop to consider any damned fear most people would have in _any_ of the situations you throw yourself into willingly, and then this? You worry about something so… so… not mundane… but something thousands of guys don't seem to consider for a second. I didn't even think about it, in all honesty. Okay…" Noting the look in Steve's eye, Danny held up a hand. "Maybe some guys _do_ think about it, but then they just go for it, anyway. And you know… we use condoms, so it's not like you'd be right there _in_ it…"

Steve's expression had turned to one of horror and Danny realized he wasn't helping at all now.

"Oh babe…" Danny shook his head, clutching both of Steve's arms and trying to smile reassuringly at him. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to suggest you should give it another go with me, and I didn't mean to make you think about it all over again… I just… I'm trying to be understanding here, okay?"

"Danno, I… can we _not_ talk about it any more? Please?" Steve's face still looked stricken, but at least he didn't seem to be as angry as he had been.

Danny came to the realization that discretion was probably the better part of valor at this point; that Steve _really_ didn't want to talk about it any more, and in the end, he didn't either. Steve had made his position clear; he'd told Danny something that Danny doubted more than one other person knew about him, and at the end of the day, that was something very special in itself.

"You're right, babe. Are we still good here?" He softened the grip he still had on Steve, turning it into something of a caress.

Steve nodded, but there was still apprehension written across his features.

Danny let his smile widen. "I love you; you know that?"

"You do?" Steve couldn't have looked more surprised.

"You just told me something I know for a fact you wouldn't want to share with anyone else; that's pretty trusting of you."

"You practically _forced_ me to tell you."

"I would have let it go in the end. I wouldn't have understood as well, but I would have dropped it, because I care about you too much to keep fighting about it."

"Could have fooled me," Steve got out, though his tension was leaking away now.

Danny moved closer, stroking his hands further up Steve's arms and hooking one hand behind his head. "You goof. You should have known I'd let you have this in the end."

"Nah, you're usually pretty stubborn." Steve half-closed his eyes though, a half-smile appearing as Danny stroked softly at the hairs at his nape, like he knew Steve enjoyed.

"Not as stubborn as you, babe." Steve hadn't said how he felt yet and Danny was beginning to feel like an idiot for having confessed his love at such an odd moment. He desperately wanted to kiss Steve, but he really wanted to hear those three little words that he hadn't been so free with since he met Rachel – apart from with Grace. "You really gonna leave me hanging on this?"

"After all that pushing? Yeah." Steve's eyes were sparkling though and Danny couldn't help but grin.

"Really? You're really gonna leave me wondering, when we could be doing something so much more fun right now? Something we haven't done for three whole days because you're so stubborn?"

Steve put his arms around Danny's back and leaned in for a kiss, but Danny turned to avoid his mouth, leaving Steve to plant one on his cheek instead. It felt good, but not as good as the kiss Danny really wanted.

Steve pulled away a little, quirking an eyebrow."Oh, so I'm the only one who's stubborn, huh?"

"C'mon, or do I have to say it again before you'll admit it?" Steve shifted, rubbing their crotches together, making Danny hiss, but he was determined not to let Steve win this time. "Are you telling me it's harder to tell me you love me than to admit what you did already?"

Steve huffed, "Actually… you're right. It is harder."

Danny creased his brows, unsure if Steve was still kidding. He met his eyes, questioning.

Steve's smile widened as he lowered his hands, pulling Danny flush against him once more. There was no mistaking that _something_ was harder than it had been, anyway.

"That hard enough for you?" Steve asked, and then he was kissing Danny. This time, Danny didn't even try to escape it, though a little tiny part of his brain was disappointed that Steve hadn't managed to say what Danny had hoped for.

The kiss went on for a few minutes, wet, needy and very sloppy, and it was some seconds before Danny realized he was being backed into the bedroom. When his brain finally caught up with the action, he'd already hit the side of the bed and Steve had slid a hand in between them to unbutton Danny's shirt.

"Whoa…" Danny got out, but it wasn't nearly as reluctant as he'd hoped to make it sound. In fact, Steve ignored it completely and just finished what he'd started, pushing the shirt off Danny's shoulders and discarding it behind him as he went to work on Danny's pants. Somehow Danny couldn't stop him and his own traitorous hands were even removing Steve's clothing.

Before much longer they were on the bed and Steve was reaching for the drawer to get supplies. By now Danny had completely forgotten what they'd been talking about in the bathroom and was panting for Steve to hurry up. Steve turned back, condom and lube in hand, and kissed Danny again, his tongue sliding wetly against Danny's lips before he shifted to his chest, licking and sucking at all the places that drove Danny wild. Steve dropped the things next to Danny's hip and slid down the bed, encasing his dick in hot, moist suction.

Danny let out a growl, forgetting where he had wanted to be buried just moments earlier. Steve's mouth was like Danny imagined heaven should be – albeit not so filthy – all silky and soft and bliss-inducing. Danny bucked upwards involuntarily when Steve's tongue flicked against a sensitive place under the head, and he could feel Steve grin around his flesh as he tightened his grip on Danny's hips.

"Fuck…" Danny let out, eyes closed, and then Steve was gone, leaving Danny feeling naked and bereft. He arched his hips into the air, seeking friction uselessly. "Fuck, babe, what…?"

But Steve hadn't gone far; he was opening the condom and sliding it over Danny's rigid flesh, an evil, lop-sided grin in place, as he feathered it lightly with slick fingers.

"Come on, Danny, what are you waiting for?"

Steve flipped, spreading his legs wide and glancing sideways with that come-on expression that never failed to make Danny want it all the more. He didn't hesitate; he was on Steve's back and pushing inside without so much as a thought as to whether he should have prepped the guy.

There was an indrawn breath, but Steve wasn't complaining. He spread his legs further, tilting his hips up to allow Danny in even deeper and _God_ was it good! If Steve's mouth had been like a silky heaven, this was like a chorus of angels had transposed their voices into flesh. Danny rocked unevenly, already way too close to climax.

"Jesus, Steve… fuck…" Danny altered his angle, aiming for Steve's prostate, hoping like hell he had it right, because there was no way on earth he was going to be able to get his hand on Steve's cock right now. If he could just keep doing this; keep pumping and hitting Steve in there just _so_ , then maybe he could make him come without touching his dick.

Steve groaned, pushing back like this was his idea of heaven too, and then that was it, his muscles suddenly clenched down so hard on Danny's dick that there was no way he wasn't leaving orbit. And fuck…

Danny gave a few more erratic thrusts before collapsing down on Steve's back, his vision practically whiting out. The thump of Steve's heart dueling with his own finally brought Danny back home, and he kissed the back of his partner's neck, just below his hairline, damp lips meeting sweaty skin.

"You are fantastic at that, babe," Danny whispered at last, "There's no reason to _ever_ want to do it the other way." With that, he pulled out, clambering unsteadily off the bed and padding to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and grab something to clean Steve up, although he figured clean sheets might be more appropriate, given that Steve had been on his stomach.

By the time he returned to the bed, Steve had flipped over and was looking up at him with the most incredible expression in his eyes.

Danny felt kind of uneasy with the scrutiny and smiled awkwardly, gesturing towards Steve. "You want to use this cloth or should we change the sheets?"

"I love you too."

Danny screwed up his face in confusion. "Post-orgasmic declarations time? I'm not so sure they count, babe." He moved closer to the bed, not meeting Steve's eyes.

"Oh, they count," Steve said, removing the cloth from Danny's hand and dragging Danny down on top of himself. "You can be one stubborn son of a bitch yourself, but I always win in the end."

Before Danny could respond, Steve had him in another heated kiss, one that made Danny's dick twitch despite what they'd just done.

Finally, when Steve let him up for air, he shifted to lie on his side, as close to Steve as he could get, placing a hand over Steve's heart and grinning down at him. "You do always win, babe. And if I could figure out how you do that, I'd bottle it and sell the stuff. I'd make a fortune."

Steve laughed. "For a stubborn guy, you're pretty easy, you know?"

Danny huffed back at him, "For a stubborn guy, you're pretty stubborn. Why couldn't you have said that before, when I asked you to?"

Steve's smile softened into the look Danny was only just now understanding was his 'I love you' face. Steve's voice was soft as he covered Danny's hand on his heart. "Because if I said it then, it was like I was only saying it because you made me say it. I wanted to say it when I really meant it."

"So you're saying you only love me after sex?" Danny was only half-joking.

"No, you idiot; I said it now because you're not still trying to change me." He grinned, something lighting up his eyes even more. "Well, not in bed, anyway."

"You goof. I will always be trying to change you out in the big wide world, because you have absolutely no idea how to respond to people in a non-Neanderthal way." Danny grinned again, leaning in to offer Steve another kiss, his heart expanding and contracting with the love he felt for this goofy, stubborn, gorgeous man. "But yeah, here… it's perfect just how it is, babe."

"I love you."

"See, it gets easier. I love you too."

"I could have said it any time; you do know that, right?"

"Oh yeah, Mr. Stubborn? You could have…" Danny tried to take his hand back to give Steve a thump, but Steve was already pulling him in to silence Danny with his lips again.

Somehow, this time, Danny really didn't mind that Steve always won.

~//~

END


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